I have successfully been able to breastfeed my baby for 3 months now. I am proud of this accomplishment and it's more than I have ever been able to do before.
I have been struggling for about a week and a half though with my milk supply. I have been here before and I know how it's going to end. Sadly though I go through this whole battle with myself every time. I was seeking counsel with a friend today and I got some encouragment and also some release from the guilt I feel for not being able to feed my own babies.
I have news; it's not within my control! I didn't realize it was connected; but apparently my auto immune disease and my ability to produce enough milk are linked. Why has no one told me these things?!?! Knowing that it's not anything that I'm doing wrong, I'm not lazy, I'm not making bad choices... I'm just a little defective and I can't control it!
So why is it that a mom should ever feel guilty for not breastfeeding? I think part of it is honestly instinct but what about the constant media and medical community telling you to breastfeed and it's the best and you want to give your baby the best. So you are made to feel bad that you can't do the very best for your baby. I think it's B.S. Some of us have actually tried everything.
I thought that maybe speaking out would not only allow me some release but also to maybe reach out to some other poor soul who has the same struggles. Formula these days is a good thing, its comparable. I was formula fed as was my husband. I think I turned out ok and no one should feel bad for something beyond their control.
This has been an ongoing private struggle for me and I'm not going to do it anymore. I don't want to keep quiet about something that could help someone else. I don't know why women (myself included) feel like they can't talk about things like this but it's more common than you know and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
That's what I learned today. Maybe it will help someone else as much as it helped me.