For the duration of my entire life I have wanted more than anything to be good enough. I have an idea in my head of what is good enough and I almost never reach this idealization. Once in a while I have a glimpse that I am what I should be... I have noticed in my adult life that this always occurs when I give up my ideals and focus on God and just doing the next right things one step at a time. I have learned with time and experience that many women feel this way. We tend to compare our worst inside feelings to the best of what we see on the outside of other people. I have learned through trial and error what it means to really live the spirit filled life and to lean into the Lord. But... I'm human and I'm I have some areas that really need to grow and I tend to fall away from this blessed path over time.... and time and again. Don't worry, I am repentant but I also understand that this is typical for being human and well documented through the Bible.
I have been praying for God to show me in a real and literal way what I need to do to keep growing. I know in my heart that I need to stay in the word and to keep living the truths I know in my heart but somehow in this recent spiritual winter I have been missing the real radical presence with life application that I crave with all my heart. I WANT A ROAD MAP!!!! Yes, I know that's now how it works. God is a radical presence but we don't get a road map.
As I reflect on these deep thoughts I looked back through my prayer journal and my "ah-ha" moments. I noticed a pattern and I saw that once again I have fallen away from what I need.
I have the answer I need.
How do I get back on track and really seek the Lord with a heart that is willing to follow and learn and submit?
The pattern I saw was that I have have countless moments where I realize that if God wanted me anywhere else he could have put me in those places. I have had several realizations that I just need to be present in the moment. I need to stop comparing my worst to others' best. I need to just be content and not even worry about the next right thing when this moment is not over. This seemingly small step could really go a long way toward some areas I really need to grow in; patience, peace, self-control, grace... just to name a few.
So I pray and and I seek and I wait and I keep going in circles.... until one day I realize that I have started a project that addresses all of those struggles I just described. I think God has facilitated something in my life that is so meaningful that I can't give up and forces me to live in the moment and to concentrate on what is presently going on.
As you know we have a cute Daniff (Great Dane/ Mastiff) puppy. He is a little over 3 months old and we are just a few days past our 2 month milestone into this journey. I haven't slept through the night in 2 months and 3 days. Our world revolves around him right now. We are training him as a service dog for Faith. It's a long journey and we have already had our speed bumps but we're committed and we really believe that this is the best for our child and so we won't stop and we will give everything we can to making this work.
Part of our process is puppy training. We have committed to 2+ years of regular training with high standards. As usual I have an idea in my head of what this should look like and where we should be and what we should be doing. Our dog trainer over the course of a few sessions has said some things that really resonate with me and force me to realize that once again I am missing in this present moment. She said that one of the reasons she loves dogs is because they only have this moment right now. They don't know or care that last week they could sit and walk through the mall perfectly. Today, right now, he can't walk through the mall perfectly. When we see others around us and it looks like they are doing so well and their dog sits even when you are hopping up and down with distractions while I am still using a food lure to encourage my dog to make a good choice.... it doesn't matter is I'm comparing our worst to their best. We have not made progress and will not make progress until I am present only in this moment with the dog and we work through what needs to be done together.
My to-do lists don't matter. My check lists of training skills and my long-term plans are meaningless in this moment. The work lists and the IEPs to be written, the dishes, the laundry, the next appointment, the next sports activity, the homework that is due, the chaos... all of it... does not have meaning unless it is what I am doing right now. It's a skill I have never learned. to practice this feels like ice skating for the first time. That dog will not learn and we can not serve our child until I am forced to practice being present in the moment with this animal when we are working.
Could it be that God has taken this journey in such a place in my life that it not only benefits Faith but also teaches me a skill I never learned and impacts our world in a big way? It seems like a God thing to do and it is in keeping with how he works in our lives. Usually when we start a project or have a door open or close, it ends up teaching us so much more that just the face value of that phase. I also believe that life is what you make it. I could choose to walk away from this idea and chalk it up to being too tired. I could just have a great family pet or I could ask someone else to train the dog. I see the potential for greatness here. I see that if I take this opportunity to learn how to just focus and be present in the moment it will impact my parenting, my teaching, my attitude, and the chaos that sometimes rules my life.
Maybe when I picture my ideal scenario, I am not picturing material things or specific activities... Maybe what I seek is the peace that comes from surrendering everything else except for this moment. Maybe this dog was meant for more than Faith; maybe he has as much to teach me as we have to teach him. Everyone eventually hopefully has a moment in a season of life that defines them... Maybe this is my moment in this season of my life.
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
What it's like....
I have been close to and working for individuals affected by special needs since the day I laid eyes on one of my close friends back in the 2nd grade. It has been my undying passion and it is my calling to educate the community, embrace this wonderful population, and empower them to be the best they can be without the need to "fix it".
I have gotten to know and love many families over the years, I'm still in touch with a few of them and I will value and admire every single one of those sweet families forever. I have been in many different spots in this field; I've been the therapist, the care provider, the teacher, and the paraprofessional. having been a care provider I have had the opportunity to be close to the family supporting the student with exceptional needs and I've seen their point of view and i've been that advocate along side them. But there is one thing I have never done or even realized I was missing... until now.
Many of you know that our baby girl, Faith has struggled to meet her milestones. This is new ground for new because as a professional I never had seen where it all started. I had never felt what it feels like as a mother to watch your baby march to their own drum and to face all the anti-fix it speeches I have given through the years. I wanted to write this because not to many people share these feelings or are aware of how it feels and it is truely a valuable tool for all you people in my field. Faith doesn't have a diagnosis and she still has a very good chance of growing out of her delays but the reality is that right here, right now my baby has delays and she is not where her peers are in her physical developmental milestones. I don't know what her future holds but I do know that no matter what, I have this experiance to draw from. Even if we were to wake up tomorrow and she suddenly started rolling over and eating baby food and putting weight on her arms and legs I will still have these feelings right now to put in my proverbial tool box.
So what are these feelings you ask? I feel encouraged everytime Faith does something new. I feel warm and gushy, everytime she looks at me when I feed her because in many ways she is still like a newborn baby. I feel torn sometimes and heart broken sometimes. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes because as strongly as I feel that people don't need to be cured or fixed; I have this instinct inside of me that drives me to do everything I can for my baby. I can't seem to convince this instinct sometimes that it's ok for her to keep her own beat. I feel frustrated sometimes even though she is all smiles. I see babies her age who do all these things and some of them are very advanced and I admit that I envy that sometimes. I feel heart broken sometimes. I feel sad and mad sometimes. I feel determined all the time. My one goal for all of my children is that they grow up to be God loving people who feel fulfilled... whatever that might mean to them. My biggest fear I guess for them is that they will be hurt or not heard or taken advantage of. Did you know that 66% of disabled adults feel like they don't have a voice and are not happy? That's only the ones who have the ability to communicate to participate in that poll. That is a scary thing to think of as a mom of a kid with an uncertain future. I know deep down and have been reassured many times that no matter what happens she will be ok. "ok" may not be what anyone imagines but she'll be ok none the less and I hear it and I know it but it doesn't invalidate moments like these.
Like I said, at the very least I know that I can use this as a professional in this field. I can give support as a mom who has "been there", I can show compassion and advocate with a new passion. I don't know what to do with all this as a mom but that in itself is an amazing thing to draw from later. I am SO SO thankful to have the support and encouragement that we get on a regular basis from friends and family. I am so thankful for where I've been in my skill set that gives me a place to escape to when I'm at the end of my rope as a mom. I'm so thankful for my husband who doesn't see what I see when I see things missing from Faith's skill set. He sees his beautiful daughter who is wonderful just the way she is. He sees a little girl who seems like she gets to stay tiny longer than he remembers the others doing.
In two days Faith will be 6 months old. I have been told not to compare her to her brothers or anyone else and I know why. At this age they were sitting up and they rolled around everywhere and they even got up on all fours and rocked back and forth. It can be discouraging and make you lose sight of celebrating Faith own unique milestones when you compare her. I struggle with that sometimes... I struggle to appreciate her just the way she is sometimes. I struggle to celebrate what she does and to not dwell on what she can't do yet. I know that every parent who has been in my shoes has struggled here and there with these same things.
It's kind of funny; even though I'm being honest about how it feels to be a parent (new to this game as I am) of a child who is exceptional, if some well intentioned person ever tried to tell me that she is anything but perfect I would rip them to shreds and give them a new education about how it's ok to be different and that she's beautiful and perfect just the way she is. I might struggle with how combine my own instincts with my beliefs but I know that she truely is perfect the way that she is even if she isn't like everyone else.
I have gotten to know and love many families over the years, I'm still in touch with a few of them and I will value and admire every single one of those sweet families forever. I have been in many different spots in this field; I've been the therapist, the care provider, the teacher, and the paraprofessional. having been a care provider I have had the opportunity to be close to the family supporting the student with exceptional needs and I've seen their point of view and i've been that advocate along side them. But there is one thing I have never done or even realized I was missing... until now.
Many of you know that our baby girl, Faith has struggled to meet her milestones. This is new ground for new because as a professional I never had seen where it all started. I had never felt what it feels like as a mother to watch your baby march to their own drum and to face all the anti-fix it speeches I have given through the years. I wanted to write this because not to many people share these feelings or are aware of how it feels and it is truely a valuable tool for all you people in my field. Faith doesn't have a diagnosis and she still has a very good chance of growing out of her delays but the reality is that right here, right now my baby has delays and she is not where her peers are in her physical developmental milestones. I don't know what her future holds but I do know that no matter what, I have this experiance to draw from. Even if we were to wake up tomorrow and she suddenly started rolling over and eating baby food and putting weight on her arms and legs I will still have these feelings right now to put in my proverbial tool box.
So what are these feelings you ask? I feel encouraged everytime Faith does something new. I feel warm and gushy, everytime she looks at me when I feed her because in many ways she is still like a newborn baby. I feel torn sometimes and heart broken sometimes. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes because as strongly as I feel that people don't need to be cured or fixed; I have this instinct inside of me that drives me to do everything I can for my baby. I can't seem to convince this instinct sometimes that it's ok for her to keep her own beat. I feel frustrated sometimes even though she is all smiles. I see babies her age who do all these things and some of them are very advanced and I admit that I envy that sometimes. I feel heart broken sometimes. I feel sad and mad sometimes. I feel determined all the time. My one goal for all of my children is that they grow up to be God loving people who feel fulfilled... whatever that might mean to them. My biggest fear I guess for them is that they will be hurt or not heard or taken advantage of. Did you know that 66% of disabled adults feel like they don't have a voice and are not happy? That's only the ones who have the ability to communicate to participate in that poll. That is a scary thing to think of as a mom of a kid with an uncertain future. I know deep down and have been reassured many times that no matter what happens she will be ok. "ok" may not be what anyone imagines but she'll be ok none the less and I hear it and I know it but it doesn't invalidate moments like these.
Like I said, at the very least I know that I can use this as a professional in this field. I can give support as a mom who has "been there", I can show compassion and advocate with a new passion. I don't know what to do with all this as a mom but that in itself is an amazing thing to draw from later. I am SO SO thankful to have the support and encouragement that we get on a regular basis from friends and family. I am so thankful for where I've been in my skill set that gives me a place to escape to when I'm at the end of my rope as a mom. I'm so thankful for my husband who doesn't see what I see when I see things missing from Faith's skill set. He sees his beautiful daughter who is wonderful just the way she is. He sees a little girl who seems like she gets to stay tiny longer than he remembers the others doing.
In two days Faith will be 6 months old. I have been told not to compare her to her brothers or anyone else and I know why. At this age they were sitting up and they rolled around everywhere and they even got up on all fours and rocked back and forth. It can be discouraging and make you lose sight of celebrating Faith own unique milestones when you compare her. I struggle with that sometimes... I struggle to appreciate her just the way she is sometimes. I struggle to celebrate what she does and to not dwell on what she can't do yet. I know that every parent who has been in my shoes has struggled here and there with these same things.
It's kind of funny; even though I'm being honest about how it feels to be a parent (new to this game as I am) of a child who is exceptional, if some well intentioned person ever tried to tell me that she is anything but perfect I would rip them to shreds and give them a new education about how it's ok to be different and that she's beautiful and perfect just the way she is. I might struggle with how combine my own instincts with my beliefs but I know that she truely is perfect the way that she is even if she isn't like everyone else.
Friday, August 19, 2011
shoes with holes
I have the best hunny and he makes it so easy to want to submit to him. I wanted to take a minute and share him with you. God knew what he was doing in putting us together because I have a very defiant personality, I have a hard time submitting to God let alone another person. I struggle in that area but Aaron makes me want to try harder and keep trying.
Have you ever met one of those people who are extremely low maintenance? You know? I'm talking about the ones who go about their lives and humbly dig in and do their work with very little complaint.
The other day I was picking up the house and I went to put away Aaron's work shoes. When I picked them up I saw that they were just about completely worn through. He hadn't said a word about his shoes being in such bad condition. I was touched at that moment. The way I see it my husband goes to work everyday; he doesn't complain and he works hard in all kinds of weather. He just keeps trucking and there were giant holes in his shoes! I thought about my own attitude sometimes.
I am not a low maintenance person.
I admit it.
I keep an eye on things and always worry about stuff and if my shoes get worn out I figure out how to get new ones and I'm not quiet about it either. The only exception is flip flops. I love a good pair of worn out flip flops.
Aaron is the kind of person who doesn't worry about much, he doesn't throw a fit, and he accepts what he's given. If he sees a problem he deals with it. He thinks things through and manages to navigate our family through the tightest of situations despite my best unconscious efforts. He doesn't need immediate gratification and he asks for very little. He eats what I cook, he wears what I wash when I wash it, and best of all he puts up with all my shenanigans. AND he does it all with a sense of humor and a gentle spirit.
I am so blessed to be married to someone like Aaron. (especially when I'm the polar opposite)
Thank you hunny for being wonderful you.
I always try to be a good me but Aaron teaches me by example how to be a better person.
He is truly a righteous man of God.
Have you ever met one of those people who are extremely low maintenance? You know? I'm talking about the ones who go about their lives and humbly dig in and do their work with very little complaint.
The other day I was picking up the house and I went to put away Aaron's work shoes. When I picked them up I saw that they were just about completely worn through. He hadn't said a word about his shoes being in such bad condition. I was touched at that moment. The way I see it my husband goes to work everyday; he doesn't complain and he works hard in all kinds of weather. He just keeps trucking and there were giant holes in his shoes! I thought about my own attitude sometimes.
I am not a low maintenance person.
I admit it.
I keep an eye on things and always worry about stuff and if my shoes get worn out I figure out how to get new ones and I'm not quiet about it either. The only exception is flip flops. I love a good pair of worn out flip flops.
Aaron is the kind of person who doesn't worry about much, he doesn't throw a fit, and he accepts what he's given. If he sees a problem he deals with it. He thinks things through and manages to navigate our family through the tightest of situations despite my best unconscious efforts. He doesn't need immediate gratification and he asks for very little. He eats what I cook, he wears what I wash when I wash it, and best of all he puts up with all my shenanigans. AND he does it all with a sense of humor and a gentle spirit.
I am so blessed to be married to someone like Aaron. (especially when I'm the polar opposite)
Thank you hunny for being wonderful you.
I always try to be a good me but Aaron teaches me by example how to be a better person.
He is truly a righteous man of God.
....I don't think he would ever admit it though cuz he pretty freakin' humble too.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Do unto the glory...
I have been praying on something lately and I FINALLY had my "aha!" moment. I wanted to blog it for 2 reasons: 1) so I don't forget it later. 2) some of you may relate or it might help someone else.
"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatever ye do, do all things to God's glory."
1 Corinthians 10:31
This was in a sermon a while back and it's been on my heart ever since. What does that mean anyway?
Aaron says it means doing things with your whole heart whether you want to or not. He said you don't have to like it you just have to do it knowing that it is where the lord put you. My husband is very wise and I find his insights helpful. This time though his words didn't make sense in my brain; it all just doesn't add up. for me anyway...
It all started when....
the laundry piled up, the house was a mess, there were dogs making messes, and kids making messes and screaming, and my world was full of chaos. I had JUST cleaned the house and here it was all falling apart at the seams. Sound familiar? In my house this is a daily frustrating occurrence. I know I'm supposed to be home right now. I know it is my job to raise my kids and keep my home in this season of my life. I go to school to do what God set on my heart almost 20 years ago but for everything there is a time and now is the time to raise up my children in this tender stage in their lives. Lately though it seems like it really is a job. To be honest; I do not delight in my home or my children always. I feel guilty because this is where I am and how can I not LOVE it all the time? How can I not seize every opportunity to train my children with a joyful heart? How do I not ALWAYS realize that my children are innocent and it is my job to shape them and realize that their actions are mearly a reflection of my own? My children are not my own, they are a gift and God has trusted me with them with a purpose in mind. Out of ALL the babies in the world God gave me these 3. So how is it that I find myself yelling at them with memories of my own childhood in mind? How is it that I can be lazy and begrudging in keeping my house and taking care of my family. I have news for you; I AM A LAZY PERSON by nature. I like to do what I like to do when I like to do it and often I do NOT like to do dishes and laundry and pick up the floor for the zillionth time that day. Why can life not be easier? Why can my character not just be good enough? Why am I stuck in this stupid cycle of bringing my impurities to the top and mixing them back in again?
Today as I did the dishes (again) I had an epiphany. To help anyone else who might be as imperfect as I am and struggle in similar ways let me show you my thought process.
please bear with me as I spider web my thoughts
-When you are struggling with believing or thinking a certain way, just act. Just do whatever you can in the right direction and the rest will follow. I heard this about 10 years ago in a different sermon in a different time in my life and I wish that Pastor Johnny knew how much this has helped me through the years.
So as I struggle with the process of "doing everything for the God's glory" I have decided to buckle down and just go through the motions with the intent of changing my heart.
-Today I was thinking and griping to myself at the sink and I finally stopped and just listened. FINALLY I just listened! God was able to slip in a word edgewise much to his relief and mine. "what would you rather be doing" he said to me. and I thought "huh... what would I rather be doing?" working? waitressing? sitting in a classroom? laying on the warm sand in a Caribbean location with a pina colada feeling with tide come in while the kids laugh in the distance? Mmmmmm.... Yes God, I vote for the Caribbean! "Yes Kristi, I could have put you in the Caribbean. BUT... I DIDN'T!" God answers. "You are here in Nampa Idaho standing at your kitchen sink talking to yourself."
The reality is that I am in fact in Nampa Idaho with no realistic future plan of laying on a warm beach sipping tropical drinks while my children laugh while running hand in hand with Elmo in the distance.
yes, I have seen 1 too many Sandals commercials during sesame street :-)
God put me here NOW. This IS what I'm supposed to be doing so why not do it gladly? If this is good enough for God then why is it not good enough for me? **::blush::** Another verse comes to my mind
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..."
Colossians 3:23
Because in reality it doesn't matter who we please if we don't please God. We may be saved but being saved (to me) indicates a desire for continuous improvement in the direction of being Christ-like. I AM working for the lord and that is enough.
Have you ever felt him? REALLY felt him? If you have you know that there is nothing better. He is enough! Laying on the warm sand anywhere is nothing compared to that feeling. It is like being warm and loved beyond comprehension, your worst fears don't scare you and the saddest things in your mind cannot even begin to dampen the comfort that you feel when God gives you a hug. If you have never felt like that you just need to ask with an open heart :-)
So when you feel discouraged I would encourage you to hold on to that feeling and realize for whom you do everything. I am no one special any more than anyone else but yes, God does care about my attitude and I know that it makes him sad when I am disgruntled at a task that he had in mind for me. If God put me at home so purposefully then that means that yes, even the dishes and the laundry need to be done with a cheerful heart because it really isn't much to ask and even though it seems like so little to offer and it seems like God wouldn't care how you do the dishes or even if they get done; he does in a way. He cares because those things are part of a bigger picture. The little stuff adds up and when I finally realized that I felt ashamed that I had let these little things trip me up and affect my attitude the way they have.
This thought process is what it means to be refined in one little way from those impurities that rise to the top when our lives get heated up.
I have SO much to learn and I can only pray that I can hold on to this lesson and not fall so easily back into my classic patterns. Someday I'm going to look back at my foolish self and laugh knowing that I will always be foolish in many ways.
When you think about it... it's kind of beautiful the way we stumble through life.
"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatever ye do, do all things to God's glory."
1 Corinthians 10:31
This was in a sermon a while back and it's been on my heart ever since. What does that mean anyway?
Aaron says it means doing things with your whole heart whether you want to or not. He said you don't have to like it you just have to do it knowing that it is where the lord put you. My husband is very wise and I find his insights helpful. This time though his words didn't make sense in my brain; it all just doesn't add up. for me anyway...
It all started when....
the laundry piled up, the house was a mess, there were dogs making messes, and kids making messes and screaming, and my world was full of chaos. I had JUST cleaned the house and here it was all falling apart at the seams. Sound familiar? In my house this is a daily frustrating occurrence. I know I'm supposed to be home right now. I know it is my job to raise my kids and keep my home in this season of my life. I go to school to do what God set on my heart almost 20 years ago but for everything there is a time and now is the time to raise up my children in this tender stage in their lives. Lately though it seems like it really is a job. To be honest; I do not delight in my home or my children always. I feel guilty because this is where I am and how can I not LOVE it all the time? How can I not seize every opportunity to train my children with a joyful heart? How do I not ALWAYS realize that my children are innocent and it is my job to shape them and realize that their actions are mearly a reflection of my own? My children are not my own, they are a gift and God has trusted me with them with a purpose in mind. Out of ALL the babies in the world God gave me these 3. So how is it that I find myself yelling at them with memories of my own childhood in mind? How is it that I can be lazy and begrudging in keeping my house and taking care of my family. I have news for you; I AM A LAZY PERSON by nature. I like to do what I like to do when I like to do it and often I do NOT like to do dishes and laundry and pick up the floor for the zillionth time that day. Why can life not be easier? Why can my character not just be good enough? Why am I stuck in this stupid cycle of bringing my impurities to the top and mixing them back in again?
Today as I did the dishes (again) I had an epiphany. To help anyone else who might be as imperfect as I am and struggle in similar ways let me show you my thought process.
please bear with me as I spider web my thoughts
-When you are struggling with believing or thinking a certain way, just act. Just do whatever you can in the right direction and the rest will follow. I heard this about 10 years ago in a different sermon in a different time in my life and I wish that Pastor Johnny knew how much this has helped me through the years.
So as I struggle with the process of "doing everything for the God's glory" I have decided to buckle down and just go through the motions with the intent of changing my heart.
-Today I was thinking and griping to myself at the sink and I finally stopped and just listened. FINALLY I just listened! God was able to slip in a word edgewise much to his relief and mine. "what would you rather be doing" he said to me. and I thought "huh... what would I rather be doing?" working? waitressing? sitting in a classroom? laying on the warm sand in a Caribbean location with a pina colada feeling with tide come in while the kids laugh in the distance? Mmmmmm.... Yes God, I vote for the Caribbean! "Yes Kristi, I could have put you in the Caribbean. BUT... I DIDN'T!" God answers. "You are here in Nampa Idaho standing at your kitchen sink talking to yourself."
The reality is that I am in fact in Nampa Idaho with no realistic future plan of laying on a warm beach sipping tropical drinks while my children laugh while running hand in hand with Elmo in the distance.
yes, I have seen 1 too many Sandals commercials during sesame street :-)
God put me here NOW. This IS what I'm supposed to be doing so why not do it gladly? If this is good enough for God then why is it not good enough for me? **::blush::** Another verse comes to my mind
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..."
Colossians 3:23
Because in reality it doesn't matter who we please if we don't please God. We may be saved but being saved (to me) indicates a desire for continuous improvement in the direction of being Christ-like. I AM working for the lord and that is enough.
Have you ever felt him? REALLY felt him? If you have you know that there is nothing better. He is enough! Laying on the warm sand anywhere is nothing compared to that feeling. It is like being warm and loved beyond comprehension, your worst fears don't scare you and the saddest things in your mind cannot even begin to dampen the comfort that you feel when God gives you a hug. If you have never felt like that you just need to ask with an open heart :-)
So when you feel discouraged I would encourage you to hold on to that feeling and realize for whom you do everything. I am no one special any more than anyone else but yes, God does care about my attitude and I know that it makes him sad when I am disgruntled at a task that he had in mind for me. If God put me at home so purposefully then that means that yes, even the dishes and the laundry need to be done with a cheerful heart because it really isn't much to ask and even though it seems like so little to offer and it seems like God wouldn't care how you do the dishes or even if they get done; he does in a way. He cares because those things are part of a bigger picture. The little stuff adds up and when I finally realized that I felt ashamed that I had let these little things trip me up and affect my attitude the way they have.
This thought process is what it means to be refined in one little way from those impurities that rise to the top when our lives get heated up.
I have SO much to learn and I can only pray that I can hold on to this lesson and not fall so easily back into my classic patterns. Someday I'm going to look back at my foolish self and laugh knowing that I will always be foolish in many ways.
When you think about it... it's kind of beautiful the way we stumble through life.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The business of being domestic
School's out and so I begin my adventures in being a full time domestic goddess. In the fall all of my classes are online and I will be homeschooling Cole in pre-k.
I have the entire summer to try out new things and figure out an at home schedule that works for us!
I'm going into this with some goals and I just need to figure out what's going to work for us. I have a few things to consider as well. Two big considerations are -adjusting to life with another body in the house and
-my health. There are days when I just am not able to do much and I get up and I pray and I know that as long as I give my days to God then he will let me get done whatever it is that HE wants me to do; if all I get done is taking care of my family then I will do it for his glory and the housework can wait.
A few things I want to explore and implement for myself are:
I figured I would break these goals up into phases which will help me out especially while life is so unpredictable while we wait for the baby to make her grand entrance and adjusting in the first couple of weeks after she's born.
Phase 1- advance food prep, menu planning, some housework, and quality time.
I'm going to stick with my laundry and finish getting through all my purging and organizing. I'm going to make a menu and stick to it, this might be made a bit easier as I try to prepare some things in advance for Faith's arrival. As for food prep; I bought tupperware containers and have done some research as far as what can be done in advance and how much to do. Today I cut up carrots and apples for our snacks. I should have a couple of days worth of carrots now in the fridge while the apples will probably be gone by the end of the day and for sure by tomorrow. I'm going to sit down with the kids today and find some ideas for things for us to do everyday, we can make a binder and store our ideas.
As I write this I see several other blogs posts in our near future.
Phase 2- Housework, exercise, and couponning
I really think this is going to happen as I get into a routine feeding the baby.
I can start couponning first and try to get the hang of how all these people do it. I have made a couple observations about using coupons already. There is a difference between what I call practical couponning and extreme couponning. Extreme couponners don't buy their whole grocery list at once and save all that $$$. They buy things in bulk as they go on sale and build up a stash of stuff. I don't have the space to have that big of a stash or the funds to build it up while still buying the practical things we need. Also, I don't really ever see people buying fresh healthy foods when they go on the coupon binges. I want to find a balance and cut the grocery bill.
I will make a list of our household chores, as we get into a routine we can work things in where they fit.
I will start making time for exercise as soon as I'm able to. Being 9 months pregnant doesn't work so much with Jillian Micheal's last Chance Workout. Right now I do my yoga though so that's a start!
Like I said, I see a lot of potential blogs as I figure out what works for us. Keep an eye out for kid activities, homeschooling adventures, coupon tips, and menu ideas!
I have the entire summer to try out new things and figure out an at home schedule that works for us!
I'm going into this with some goals and I just need to figure out what's going to work for us. I have a few things to consider as well. Two big considerations are -adjusting to life with another body in the house and
-my health. There are days when I just am not able to do much and I get up and I pray and I know that as long as I give my days to God then he will let me get done whatever it is that HE wants me to do; if all I get done is taking care of my family then I will do it for his glory and the housework can wait.
A few things I want to explore and implement for myself are:
- advance food prep- things like cutting up snacks in advance and getting dinner items cut up in advance.
- nutrition and menu planning- I when it comes to giving my kids the right things to eat ALL the time! I buy fruits and veggies and often times they just sit and rot. using my advance food prep goal I'm hoping to make use of what I buy and give my family better snacks. I also rarely stick to a menu and I want to follow through for more than a couple of weeks with my menu planning.
- cutting the grocery bill - I want to learn to use coupons and to plan my menu around the store sales to cut my grocery bill.
- housework- do different things on different days and sticking with it!
- quality time- with the kids and husband every day. This mean purposing to plan an activity to do with the kids each day and making sure husband gets undivided attention.
- exercise- get in 45 minutes of physical activity for myself each day, I even have a gym membership and I admit that I don't use it as often as I could especially given that I live very close to the gym. Yes, I'm 9 months pregnant but as soon as I get a solid routine going for feeding the baby I'm going to make sure I get to the gym regularly, for now I have prenatal yoga DVDs and after the baby is born I have other exercise DVDs to help me out with this goal.
I figured I would break these goals up into phases which will help me out especially while life is so unpredictable while we wait for the baby to make her grand entrance and adjusting in the first couple of weeks after she's born.
Phase 1- advance food prep, menu planning, some housework, and quality time.
I'm going to stick with my laundry and finish getting through all my purging and organizing. I'm going to make a menu and stick to it, this might be made a bit easier as I try to prepare some things in advance for Faith's arrival. As for food prep; I bought tupperware containers and have done some research as far as what can be done in advance and how much to do. Today I cut up carrots and apples for our snacks. I should have a couple of days worth of carrots now in the fridge while the apples will probably be gone by the end of the day and for sure by tomorrow. I'm going to sit down with the kids today and find some ideas for things for us to do everyday, we can make a binder and store our ideas.
As I write this I see several other blogs posts in our near future.
Phase 2- Housework, exercise, and couponning
I really think this is going to happen as I get into a routine feeding the baby.
I can start couponning first and try to get the hang of how all these people do it. I have made a couple observations about using coupons already. There is a difference between what I call practical couponning and extreme couponning. Extreme couponners don't buy their whole grocery list at once and save all that $$$. They buy things in bulk as they go on sale and build up a stash of stuff. I don't have the space to have that big of a stash or the funds to build it up while still buying the practical things we need. Also, I don't really ever see people buying fresh healthy foods when they go on the coupon binges. I want to find a balance and cut the grocery bill.
I will make a list of our household chores, as we get into a routine we can work things in where they fit.
I will start making time for exercise as soon as I'm able to. Being 9 months pregnant doesn't work so much with Jillian Micheal's last Chance Workout. Right now I do my yoga though so that's a start!
Like I said, I see a lot of potential blogs as I figure out what works for us. Keep an eye out for kid activities, homeschooling adventures, coupon tips, and menu ideas!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
An Easter Thought
An Easter revelation:
I saw a post on a friend’s facebook which prompted me to do some research.
She said:“HAPPY EASTER!! Ever wonder why Easter eggs are in the picture? In Christian times, the dipping of an egg into water was a symbol of new life just as a chick might hatch from the egg. Coloring eggs has been a part of many cultures' rites of spring and other seasonal holidays. Eat yummy food today and remember to dye some eggs! :-)” -Angie Fugal
Let me now give you some insight to my inner dilemma as a Christian parent. Aaron and I have chosen not to use fictional characters (like Santa or the Easter bunny) to celebrate holidays which we value deeply as Christians. Part of our mind set is that this is already a great holiday; why take value away from the awesome meaning and story behind it with the aforementioned non-related random characters?
I really enjoy dying and hunting for eggs and was happy to see my friend post this. I did some research and found a GREAT point of view on it. You may not agree with it but I really like the spin they put on Easter eggs since I was kind of looking for a way to incorporate our values into a tradition I happen to love.
The website is: http://www.thechoicedrivenlife.com/dip-and-dye-eggs-this-easter
To para-phrase and make a long story short this Pastor did his own research on the biblical basis for dying eggs and came up with a wonderful explanation.
The original Greek that the Bible was written in uses the word baptidzo which means to dip and dye. It is also used in the context in Greek if you were reading about dipping and dying linens.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Says “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” So…. a person who comes to Jesus Christ can be likened to an old garment that needs to be dipped into a vat of dye so its color can be changed. However, the person isn’t dipped into a vat of colored dye, but into the precious blood of the Lamb!
The website is: http://www.thechoicedrivenlife.com/dip-and-dye-eggs-this-easter
To para-phrase and make a long story short this Pastor did his own research on the biblical basis for dying eggs and came up with a wonderful explanation.
The original Greek that the Bible was written in uses the word baptidzo which means to dip and dye. It is also used in the context in Greek if you were reading about dipping and dying linens.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Says “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” So…. a person who comes to Jesus Christ can be likened to an old garment that needs to be dipped into a vat of dye so its color can be changed. However, the person isn’t dipped into a vat of colored dye, but into the precious blood of the Lamb!
The lesson that this pastor used to teach the children from this is that eggs are like people; you dip them and change them forever they are given new life. For some people this might be a reach but as a parent I think it’s a great visual reminder for our kids to really get what it means to be a Christian and how we should be different than the other eggs. To me that goes hand in hand with the Easter message and thus I will continue to enjoy my egg dipping traditions and add some new meaning to them to pass along to my children.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Over the Top Baby trends
How do I feel about HUGE oversized hair accessories and frilly dresses?
Most of you know that I love them. If you knew me as a kid you might remember that I have always loved the over the top girls' fashions.
There are those in my life who for the life of them have never understood this love I have and that's ok. Some are betting that Faith will rip off her hair bows and ruffles the minutes she's old enough to do it and that's ok too!
I have 2 other children, their styles even though they are young are not always my style. I know that as soon as they start picking out their own clothes they develop preferences and favorite from what they have. I love little boys in overalls and my almost 4 year old absolutely HATES overalls. He doesn't like how they fit him and he doesn't care how cute they look. My 2 and a half year old has a thing for baseball caps. No one in our family wears many hats but for him it's something he just feels super good in. I don't know if it's a comfort thing or what but the kid always has a hat on and he shows strong preference toward baseball caps; you can't just give him any style of hat.
So yes, I do realize that my daughter is no exception to developing free will and her own sense of style. As long as she stays within our family modesty and morality standards I have no problem with what she chooses.
Here's the beautiful thing though; I have about 2.5 years give or take to do WHATEVER I want to her! After that I can still influence what she wears and how she dresses because she still has to pick from what ever I have provided for her. I figure this gives me 2 years of free reign and 5-7 total years of influence and wonderful over the top frilly clothes and accessories. Obviously Davin wears hats and Cole is rarely seen in overalls so I do recognize and respect my kids' preferences but I also know that they have picked up some of what I would hope for them and I figure on some of the same thing for my daughter.
I don't have all the answers and I am SO new to the world of little girls but I know what I like and for now that's good enough. My ruffly butt, huge hair bow, giant flower, colorful headband, cute hat tastes and preferences are here to stay.... at least until she's old enough to take them off ;-)
There are those in my life who for the life of them have never understood this love I have and that's ok. Some are betting that Faith will rip off her hair bows and ruffles the minutes she's old enough to do it and that's ok too!
I have 2 other children, their styles even though they are young are not always my style. I know that as soon as they start picking out their own clothes they develop preferences and favorite from what they have. I love little boys in overalls and my almost 4 year old absolutely HATES overalls. He doesn't like how they fit him and he doesn't care how cute they look. My 2 and a half year old has a thing for baseball caps. No one in our family wears many hats but for him it's something he just feels super good in. I don't know if it's a comfort thing or what but the kid always has a hat on and he shows strong preference toward baseball caps; you can't just give him any style of hat.
So yes, I do realize that my daughter is no exception to developing free will and her own sense of style. As long as she stays within our family modesty and morality standards I have no problem with what she chooses.
I don't have all the answers and I am SO new to the world of little girls but I know what I like and for now that's good enough. My ruffly butt, huge hair bow, giant flower, colorful headband, cute hat tastes and preferences are here to stay.... at least until she's old enough to take them off ;-)
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I Refuse
"I can't do everything but I refuse to stand by and do nothing"
I recently heard this well said phrase at a concert. Do you ever watch the news or dri
ve by the homeless shelter as they line up in the evening and feel a bit hopeless? I feel that way sometimes especially when I see or hear about kids and animals. Yup, the ASPCA commercials with the music in the background make me cry... every time. Every Thursday night I go to work and I drive by a shelter around the time they line up to get in for the evening and I see kids who look hungry and dirty and sad and uncertain and I cry every time. I'm so thankful for all we have and being able to provide for my own children. Being thankful doesn't seem like enough though. I wish I could wipe out poverty. I wish I could take all those kids and hug them and give them stability somehow and let them know that God loves them and there are people who care. I wish I could take all the animals away from their abusive homes and give them loving homes. The wild animals who get wiped out, disability rights, stories on the news about kids who die at the hands of the parents they are supposed have been able to trust... I don't understand it all. I don't understand why some of these things have to happen and as a human I don't understand why God doesn't just step in somehow. I know from experience that abused children are not immune to pain and they feel it in spite of my most heartfelt wishes that there would be some super natural protection. I can also say from experience that I at least was not alone, God was with me and in the hardest times I did get a bit of super natural love and protection. I also know that protection doesn't come for everyone.
I recently heard this well said phrase at a concert. Do you ever watch the news or dri
ve by the homeless shelter as they line up in the evening and feel a bit hopeless? I feel that way sometimes especially when I see or hear about kids and animals. Yup, the ASPCA commercials with the music in the background make me cry... every time. Every Thursday night I go to work and I drive by a shelter around the time they line up to get in for the evening and I see kids who look hungry and dirty and sad and uncertain and I cry every time. I'm so thankful for all we have and being able to provide for my own children. Being thankful doesn't seem like enough though. I wish I could wipe out poverty. I wish I could take all those kids and hug them and give them stability somehow and let them know that God loves them and there are people who care. I wish I could take all the animals away from their abusive homes and give them loving homes. The wild animals who get wiped out, disability rights, stories on the news about kids who die at the hands of the parents they are supposed have been able to trust... I don't understand it all. I don't understand why some of these things have to happen and as a human I don't understand why God doesn't just step in somehow. I know from experience that abused children are not immune to pain and they feel it in spite of my most heartfelt wishes that there would be some super natural protection. I can also say from experience that I at least was not alone, God was with me and in the hardest times I did get a bit of super natural love and protection. I also know that protection doesn't come for everyone. These are some things that break my heart and some days (most days) I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that bad things don't happen in my world. Actually, this was my favorite approach until I heard that quote at a concert. That line and the song that went with it gave me some encouragement that I wanted to pass it along. Little by little we all can do some bit of good to improve things around us. I am by no means a superhero but I can do little things. I don't have much to give but I can and do give my time and love and a little bit of physical provision. You never know how your gift will touch someone or how they may pass it along.
As a family we prefer to give in secret so I doubt we will ever know how or if we have done much good but it's better than doing nothing.
Is it enough?
Well, am I doing all I can do with what I have? The answer is yes. We aren't perfect but we do try to do our best and I do believe that we are doing what we can for others with all that we are given. Mother Theresa said "if you can't feed a million then feed just one" I like that and I like that maybe my little bit plus your little bit plus someone else adds up to more than if I just sit here and do nothing with my head in the sand.
That's just my two cents on that. Think about it.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
~If Life Was More Like Scooby Doo~
- There would be no real bad guys, just misguided people in masks.
- Life's little problems could be solved by food and you would stay skinny
- My dog would be far less maintenance and people would treat him with respect
- Car repair would be easy
- Money would never even be a topic of conversation
Today I think I would like to be a cartoon. Can someone please call me if you're interested in turning me into a fictional animation?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Joe Lando and the Federal Gnomes
Have you ever wondered where all your socks go as the disappear over time? Have you ever lost something REALLY valuable? How about the caps to bottles and the twisty tie that goes on your bread?
Ladies and Gentlemen I have the answer!
A couple of years ago I lost $200 cash. I set it down in a "safe place" and we never saw it again. We hoped to find it when we moved but it never did turn up. We decided that someone needed to take responsibility and logically we blamed some random garden gnomes. But what use would garden gnomes have for expensive items and cash? Alas! It MUST be federal gnomes. (everyone knows that the govt has to have created something to help with the national debt) The federal gnomes also claimed my wedding rings for a time but after much negotiation (weeks of frantic searching) the rings were returned (in my bathrobe). We (and by that I mean I) have lost a few things since then and had to blame the gnomes.
<P> |
| Joe Lando (Now) |
 |
| Joe Lando (then) |
Where did Joe Lando come into all this? Who is Joe Lando? Shortly after we got Direct TV there was a Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman marathon on tv. I hadn't seen it in years and I enjoyed reminiscing in this once loved tv series. Aaron was pretty sure he was getting punished for some unknown wrongness he had committed and he took every opportunity to make fun of the show, it's actors, and the characters. Joe Lando plays Sully on Dr. Quinn and when they were promoting the marathon he did many of the commercials for it. Let me just tell you that I really prefer to see Joe Lando in iconic Native American garb with long unkempt hair. We decided that he didn't have much of a career and that what he did have (Dr. Quinn) was long depreciated. Joe Lando must have a hobby.... but what could he be doing these days? The only thing that we could think of is that he must secretly sneak into all the American homes and steal worthless things like (but not limited to) socks, trinkets, puzzle pieces, and pens.
Next time something goes missing in your home call the government or Joe Lando. Beware though because both parties collect keys and cards from your wallet and you don't want to annoy the gnomes or Joe Lando.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Why should I have a blog?
I always kind of thought blogging was stupid but in the last few months I have had some epiphanys and I have opinions like anyone else. Where can I put these things?
My head is crowded.
Facebook is WAY too public.
hmmmm......
oh yes, here we are on my very first BLOG!
What will I blog about?
-EVERYTHING that I want to!-
Nothing is off limits and I get to be nice and smile and nod in the real world but here on this new found little corner of the web I can put what I really feel. Politics, religion, random observations, life lessons, and recipes are among my favorite notions.
This is me and I don't have to be politically correct here, I like that. I'm not fancy, I'm not flashy, most of this will be boring and not so sensational but there may be a few pearls along the way :-)
My head is crowded.
Facebook is WAY too public.
hmmmm......
oh yes, here we are on my very first BLOG!
What will I blog about?
-EVERYTHING that I want to!-
Nothing is off limits and I get to be nice and smile and nod in the real world but here on this new found little corner of the web I can put what I really feel. Politics, religion, random observations, life lessons, and recipes are among my favorite notions.
This is me and I don't have to be politically correct here, I like that. I'm not fancy, I'm not flashy, most of this will be boring and not so sensational but there may be a few pearls along the way :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)