Saturday, February 12, 2011

Joe Lando and the Federal Gnomes

Have you ever wondered where all your socks go as the disappear over time? Have you ever lost something REALLY valuable? How about the caps to bottles and the twisty tie that goes on your bread?
Ladies and Gentlemen I have the answer!
A couple of years ago I lost $200 cash. I set it down in a "safe place" and we never saw it again. We hoped to find it when we moved but it never did turn up. We decided that someone needed to take responsibility and logically we blamed some random garden gnomes. But what use would garden gno
mes have for expensive items and cash? Alas!  It MUST be federal gnomes. (everyone knows that the govt has to have created something to help with the national debt) The federal gnomes also claimed my wedding rings for a time but after much negotiation (weeks of frantic searching) the rings were returned (in my bathrobe). We (and by that I mean I) have lost a few things since then and had to blame the gnomes.
Joe Lando (Now)
Joe Lando (then)
Where did Joe Lando come into all this? Who is Joe Lando? Shortly after we got Direct TV there was a Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman marathon on tv. I hadn't seen it in years and I enjoyed reminiscing in this once loved tv series. Aaron was pretty sure he was getting punished for some unknown wrongness he had committed and he took every opportunity to make fun of the show, it's actors, and the characters. Joe Lando plays Sully on Dr. Quinn and when they were promoting the marathon he did many of the commercials for it. Let me just tell you that I really prefer to see Joe Lando in iconic Native American garb with long unkempt hair. We decided that he didn't have much of a career and that what he did have (Dr. Quinn) was long depreciated. Joe Lando must have a hobby.... but what could he be doing these days? The only thing that we could think of is that he must secretly sneak into all the American homes and steal worthless things like (but not limited to) socks, trinkets, puzzle pieces, and pens.

Next time something goes missing in your home call the government or Joe Lando. Beware though because both parties collect keys and cards from your wallet and you don't want to annoy the gnomes or Joe Lando.

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